A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend that I've known for over 15 years. Honestly, I cant even remember what we were talking about. But at one point in the conversation she tells me that she remembers around the time we first met that she and a few other mutual friends were having a conversation about me when one of them said with a mix of frustration and admiration, "That Vanessa......she just....she just...she EATS LIFE!"
BOOM! It was like a slap across the face! In that instant I felt like I woke up. Yes! Yes, I did EAT LIFE! I devoured it! It was mine! And I took it all in. No need for permission. No apologies.
Somewhere along the way and a few life altering events later, I stopped. Little by little, life began eating me. It ate away at my heart, my soul, my mind, my passion, my dreams, my everything. I became an altered and muted version of myself.
In some ways I was now more acceptable to others. Not so loud. Not so pushy. Not so in your face. Not stealing the spotlight as much. People seemed to be more comfortable with that. But not me. For me, life just sort of became dull. Not bad. But dull. The excitement was gone. I guess I sort of traded excitement for acceptance.
But your soul has a way of being relentless. I always carried a nagging feeling inside me that I couldn't seem to get rid of. There was an emptiness and a longing. It didn't let me give in. It didn't let me ignore it. It forced me to keep searching, even when maybe I didn't want to. It didn't let me accept what is as all that could be. Somewhere, deep down, I knew, acceptance was never really my cup of tea.
So, here I am. I turn 40 today. A lifetime behind me. A lifetime before me. And I stand here taking it all in. There have been ups and downs, good and bad, lessons and laughter, and the list goes on. I have my awesome and crazy family that loves me. I have my TRIFECTA that hold me up and make life just that extra bit of special. I have an amazing network of friends that all have their unique and special place in my life. I have a job that fills me and challenges me and the people I work with are like a second family. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and reliable transportation that gets me around. And last but certainly not least, I have Emily who has single handedly transformed my life for the better. All in all I would say its been pretty damn awesome! And I'm beyond thankful for all of that.
But there remains that nagging little issue that my soul won't let me forget. There's more out there. And perhaps this is the day that I finally open myself back up to that idea and let it wreak whatever havoc it must wreak. Maybe today is the day that I once again EAT LIFE!. Because it's still mine. I can still take it all in. I can still devour every little morsel. And I still don't need anyone's permission. And I definitely don't need to apologize for it. And well, as I said before, acceptance was never really my thing so maybe I don't really need it after all
So, as I head into my 40's - smarter, wiser, stronger, clearer - I have no idea what the future holds for me. But what I do know is that there is new life in me and I will devour every bit of life that I have left. There will be excitement. And I will make no apologies for it! I will EAT LIFE once again. And I think you should join me.
Happy 40th Birthday to ME!
BOOM! It was like a slap across the face! In that instant I felt like I woke up. Yes! Yes, I did EAT LIFE! I devoured it! It was mine! And I took it all in. No need for permission. No apologies.
Somewhere along the way and a few life altering events later, I stopped. Little by little, life began eating me. It ate away at my heart, my soul, my mind, my passion, my dreams, my everything. I became an altered and muted version of myself.
In some ways I was now more acceptable to others. Not so loud. Not so pushy. Not so in your face. Not stealing the spotlight as much. People seemed to be more comfortable with that. But not me. For me, life just sort of became dull. Not bad. But dull. The excitement was gone. I guess I sort of traded excitement for acceptance.
But your soul has a way of being relentless. I always carried a nagging feeling inside me that I couldn't seem to get rid of. There was an emptiness and a longing. It didn't let me give in. It didn't let me ignore it. It forced me to keep searching, even when maybe I didn't want to. It didn't let me accept what is as all that could be. Somewhere, deep down, I knew, acceptance was never really my cup of tea.
So, here I am. I turn 40 today. A lifetime behind me. A lifetime before me. And I stand here taking it all in. There have been ups and downs, good and bad, lessons and laughter, and the list goes on. I have my awesome and crazy family that loves me. I have my TRIFECTA that hold me up and make life just that extra bit of special. I have an amazing network of friends that all have their unique and special place in my life. I have a job that fills me and challenges me and the people I work with are like a second family. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and reliable transportation that gets me around. And last but certainly not least, I have Emily who has single handedly transformed my life for the better. All in all I would say its been pretty damn awesome! And I'm beyond thankful for all of that.
But there remains that nagging little issue that my soul won't let me forget. There's more out there. And perhaps this is the day that I finally open myself back up to that idea and let it wreak whatever havoc it must wreak. Maybe today is the day that I once again EAT LIFE!. Because it's still mine. I can still take it all in. I can still devour every little morsel. And I still don't need anyone's permission. And I definitely don't need to apologize for it. And well, as I said before, acceptance was never really my thing so maybe I don't really need it after all
So, as I head into my 40's - smarter, wiser, stronger, clearer - I have no idea what the future holds for me. But what I do know is that there is new life in me and I will devour every bit of life that I have left. There will be excitement. And I will make no apologies for it! I will EAT LIFE once again. And I think you should join me.
Happy 40th Birthday to ME!
Much love, Vanessa...in progress. (VIP)
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