In Memory of Ernie...

It still all feels surreal.

It was a year ago, September 12th to be exact, that this journey began. We found out that Ernie had Stage 4 lung cancer. He was only 44. He had never smoked. It didn't make sense. We were devastated, confused, and scared.

But, as we would all come to learn during the year that followed, Ernie was special. He was a warrior with a heart of gold. From the moment he found out he handled it all with a peace, and strength and grace unlike anything I have ever seen before.  He made a choice to fight for as many days as God would allow him and to make each one count. He also chose to let everyone in and to share his journey with the world. I'm not sure what prompted him to do that. But I'm sure that he could not have ever imagined that he would touch so many lives the way that he did.

No matter what happened or how much pain he was in his posts were always uplifting. He always made sure to mention what a beautiful day it was and encouraged everyone to enjoy it. There were good days and there were bad days but he met every single day with a grace and courage that inspired us all. And his smile, his smile lit up the room and reassured us.

His journey made me question everything - my life, my faith, my beliefs, my relationships, my actions, etc. Whenever I was tempted to complain about something trivial, I remembered his grace and courage and smile. Whenever I was tempted to behave in a way that I knew was not offering the best of me, I remembered his grace and courage and smile. Whenever I was tempted to get caught up in the small stuff that I now know doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life, I remembered his grace and courage and smile. He became my source of inspiration to always strive to be the best person I could be and to use my life to try and inspire others the way he inspired me. And I have tried to do just that.  I don't know if I'm always successful. In fact, I'm sure that I often fall short. But what I know for sure is that I am not the same person I was before and that I will continue to strive to always be the best person that I can be.

During his last few weeks of life and after his passing so many people reached out to me. Some of you had known him your whole lives and others just a short time. Some of you knew him well and others just in passing. All of you shared stories about how special he was to you. I heard stories about how he made your life better in some way; how he lifted you up when you were down; how he befriended you when you didn't know anyone, etc. While hearing all of these stories warmed my heart, I was not surprised by any of them. They only confirmed for me who I already knew Ernie to be. What I was surprised by was how many people who had NEVER met him but were following his story reached out to me as well.  They too had stories to tell about how seeing Ernie's story unfold each day helped them keep their spirits up throughout their own illness.  There were stories about how Ernie's journey helped people reconnect with their faith. There were stories about how Ernie's spirit inspired them to do and be better. 

It was the totality of all of these stories and testimonies that made me realize that Ernie was here to be a teacher. He was here to remind us about how to live and love and laugh, no matter what. He was here to encourage us to be the best people we can be and to offer the best of ourselves to others. He was here to inspire us to use our lives to inspire others. He was here to confirm for us that we need to not sweat the small stuff as he would so often say, but to stay focused on the big picture of life and to make every day of it count.

Ernie had a light in him that was as bright as the sun. And I believe that his light helped to turn on a light in each of us. And the energy and spirit of that light that remains in each of us and all around us is his legacy. And as such, I would just ask that you all remember Ernie, remember his spirit.  Keep it with you as you go about each day. Let it continue to inspire and guide you. Use his life as an example for your own and live your life in a way that pays tribute to his legacy. And use your life to inspire others in his name. Don't go back to business as usual once the dust settles. Let the lessons his life taught us change you and make you better and pass it on.  This is how we can honor Ernie and what he meant to us.

Yesterday, after the services were over, some of us went to grab a bite to eat. I sat across from his son and just watched him. I was so overwhelmed with emotion because it was so clear to me how much of his father is in him. That same light and laughter and smile. I watched him all throughout the funeral stand there with such grace and maturity, constantly checking in on his mom to make sure she was ok. He represented his father in a way that I know made Ernie proud. And I couldn't help but to imagine all of the people that his son's life will touch as his own life continues to unfold.

For those that are interested we have started a fundraiser to help raise money on Ernie's behalf in support of his son. If any of you are inspired to give, please visit https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/zv03/ernie-s-army-of-angels-fund.

Last, but definitely not least, there is his amazing wife Ana. I have grown to love her and appreciate her so much throughout this time. She has earned my respect, love and admiration and she will forever have a sister in me. She was by his side every step of the way supporting him and helping him with a dignity and strength and grace that had me in awe.  I told her at one point that their relationship and family was such a great example of what love and family means. They were a true team that had each other's back at every turn. He was as blessed to have her and she was to have him. And I'm sure their son cannot fully comprehend and appreciate how blessed he is to have them as his parents but he will know one day, I'm sure.

Thank you to everyone for your love and support during this time and thank you for letting me share Ernie's story with you. It has meant the world to me.

Much love,

Vanessa...in progress. (VIP)