What I learned from the Casey Anthony story...

From the moment the story hit the news back in 2008 I was captivated...for many reasons. First and foremost little Caylee and my daughter were just a few months apart in age so at the time the story was breaking I kept watching the images of Caylee flash on the screen and then would look back at my own daughter and I would be overwhelmed with many different and sometimes contradictory emotions. Secondly, I too was a single mother and therefore kept trying to put myself in Casey's place and try to understand and relate...but I could not bring myself to comprehend what had happened. I couldnt let go of the story or the gut-wrenching pain that I felt inside when the reality of it all would hit me over and over again in waves.

For months I followed the story intently but after a year or so it faded from the news with the exception of an occassional update and I went back to my life and was eventually able to put it out of my mind.

Then came the trial. I tried to not get sucked in but the image of Caylee's little face all over the screen made it possible for me to turn my head and I got sucked in again. I watched and listened to every day of testimony and then listened more to recaps and opinions in the evening news stories each day. And I...like many others...was shocked...saddened...pained...and in disbelief when I heard the verdict.

However, my intent here is not so much to discuss the outcome of the trial. I have a very strong opinion about it...but I respect others right to have theirs...and I respect the judicial process in our country (although I also have several criticisms of it.) But at the end of it all...when the shock and anger and emotion started to subside a bit...I began to realize that through this process and in part because of it...I had changed.

What I learned from this story...is that we are all human...and all flawed...and are in no position to self-righteously judge anyone. That's not to say that we should not judge the act of murdering a child. I think we can all agree that it is beyond wrong....and when done at the hands of your own mother (which I believe it was) is beyond comprehension. But...I learned that it is not our role in life to judge. I think it was clear to all of us that the Anthony's were a very disfunctional family...but whose family isn't? And yes...maybe there's was a bit more disfunctional than most...but I believe they had a genuine love for each other...Cindy's pain and desperation on that 911 call was real...and let's face it...there has to be a deep rooted love to stand by each other and stay 'in tact' through something as horrible as this. And while I do believe that Casey killed Caylee you see the pictures and videos of them interacting and I just dont feel that those emotions and the happiness that you see in those images is fake. God only knows what happened in Casey's mind that caused her to do this unthinkable act...and none of us can even begin to imagine what it must be like to be any of the Anthony's and have to deal with any of this while also grieving the loss of your grandaughter. And while I strongly...STRONGLY...disgree with the verdict of the jurors...who are we to know what it was like to be sequestered for 6 weeks and sit in their shoes and have to make a decision about some young woman's life...when...while I did think the prosecution had proved their case....the defense was able to legitimately poke some holes in it....and when (and this is my biggest issue at the moment) the people that were selected as jurors in the first place are not really given the proper education, information, training, direction, guidance and instruction to even be able to adequately review and anazlyze the evidence put before them and full and clearly understand the charges or the true definition of reasonable doubt. I think that I will have to spend an entire blog just expressing my issues and concerns with the jury process but again...my point here is just to say that given what it is...who are we to judge them either when we have not walked in their shoes.

As I woke up this morning what I felt was pity and empathy for everyone. Pity that the Anthony's have lost their precious grandaughter and that their lives are forever destroyed and damaged....pity that the jury has to live with the decision that they made...pity that casey is so damaged that she doesnt even seem to be able to comprehend the gift that she had in that little girl...and the magnitude of what she did. I feel pity for those that are reacting with anger and proposed violence...pity that they feel that level of pain but also pity that they dont have a better way of processing it and dealing with it. I could go on and on...but again..my point is that today I feel sadness and just hope and pray for a sense of peace for everyone...especially little Caylee.

And the last and most important thing that I learned is that when I have the impulse to judge another...I try my best (although I still fail at times) to turn it around and use that impulse to judge to make myself better. As I said in the beginning...I too am a single mother with a young daughter...and it isn't always easy balancing a child...work...finances...relationships...the judgement of others...and all the other things life throws at you. And while I know that I am a much better mother than Casey was and am incapable of harming my child in any way...the entire story caused me to check myself to make sure that I was functioning above my own level of judgement. While my sadness for those affected by this persists...it brings me a sense of peace to know that I have used the experience of this tragedy to become a better mother to my daughter and a better person, in general...and that's all that's ever really in our power to do.

Without judgement...

Vanessa...in progress. (VIP)