Halloween is over...but will people take their masks off?

Well...another Halloween has gone by...a day full of trick or treating and disguising ourselves and our children...and sometimes even our pets as ghosts, goblins, witches and the like. But...now that it's over...and in theory the costumes and masks are all supposed to come off...the reality is...that most of us will just be swapping them for our other daily social masks.

I really don't know what's up with me lately but the more I'm exposed to the 'fakeness' of so many people around me...the more I feel like I go a little mad inside.

Does ANYONE know how to be authentic anymore? Including me!?!?! Once upon a time...I was very raw and painfully 'authentic'. All my ugly...flawed...confused...pained reality was out on the table for all to see. And...I didnt care. I didnt care what people thought, said, felt about anything that was ME! And I felt strong and confident in who and how I was...no matter what it was...or how it was perceived by others. Those were the good old days!

But...somehow...I feel that over the years...in an effort to be more 'mature' and...I lost myself. I lost that authenticity that once defined me. I find myself smiling and laughing and pretending instead of expressing myself authetically! I find myself keeping some of my 'realities' to myself for fear of how it might be judged by others. Or, when I do share something, I usually find myself automatically regretting having shared the information because I know it makes me somehow seem less than perfect...not pulled together...not sure...and to others that is a shunnable offense!

Then...I go back into the madness of my mind and wonder when and how that transformation happened. When did I start caring more about what others thought and felt then I did about being whole and true to myself above all else. How do I get back to that place of authenticity that once defined me? And then...more importantly...how do I surround myself with people that are authentic...and welcome honestly and expression...in all its forms? Because...seriously...whenever I spend time with someone who is so obviously 'faking it' and not being authentic I feel like I die a little inside. Not so much because THEY are being fake...but because I'm participating in it...because I'm going along for the ride...because in accepting their lack of authenticity and surrounding myself with it I'm being fake myself! And...that just doesn't sit right with me anymore.

I will say...that I do have a few amazing and awesome people in my life that I do think are VERY authentic...and thank GOODNESS I have them. They ground me. But they are few and far between...and I definitely dont spend enough time with them.

So...my challenge to myself on this post-Halloween day is to actively take off my mask...today...and every day...and once again begin to flex my authenticy and be ME...more fully and honestly...and to hell with whoever doesnt like it.

Ahhh...it feels better already...

Much love...

Vanessa...in progress. (VIP)

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